Superwomyn

Mediocrity is never an option with me. I don't know why but I have this mentality that I have to be the best in everything I do. That I have to be able to not only do everything, but do it well at the same time. I have to say the right things. Get the best grades. Lose more weight. Make more friends. Make more money. Make my dad proud. Make people laugh. Make people happy. Make myself happy. Be social. Be beautiful. Be visible. Be invincible. The list goes on and on.

I guess I have this vision of myself in the future. A woman who is intelligent, successful, beautiful, articulate, cultured, educated, independent, and has everything under control. I see myself working in my own office and running my own household. A psychologist, a mom, a wife, a superwomyn. I don't know. I think about these things while I'm at the gym, trying to push through three miles on the treadmill. It keeps me going when I feel like my legs can't carry me any further. These grandiose visions of the future. They keep me going when the music isn't enough.

The thing is that I know I can achieve these things. It's just a matter of time, determination, and patience. Time and determination, I have. Patience, not so much. But I think that's something you learn along the way.

Of course, there have been bumps. But no one is exempted from those. There have definitely been times where I want to just fuck all of it. But then, I wipe my tears, take a nap, and wake up ready to face everything head on once again. Come to think of it, I don't know when I became so motivated. I guess it wasn't until my latter years in high school when things got difficult, and my goals became too important to let anything phase me.

Maybe this path I've laid out for myself is impossible. But for right now, it's been a positive source of motivation. And hey, you can never blame a girl for trying.