It's difficult to face the things that scare you.
I've always appreciated relationships for the long run because I never found the point in month-long flings. There's something satisfying in having someone be such a big part of your life for such a long time. It's nice to be able to look back and see the highs and lows, the moments that have contributed to growth and maturity.
Or so I thought.
I don't know. There's this part of me that is so sure and so afraid that I'm going to die alone. I've learned that I'm a creature of constant contact. The phrase, "Out of sight, out of mind," holds a significant amount of truth with me. It's easy for me to fall out of love if I don't get to see that person. Be with them. Hug them. Hold their hand. I get bored too easily. And I'm afraid that it'll be something that will constantly cause me to push people away. To up and leave. In search of the next brave soul that will try to be with me. The next brave soul that will try to tolerate my behavior, my attitude, my indecision. Only to realize that they can't. I'll get bored. Move on. And start the cycle once more. I'm scared that when all is said and done, I'm going to be alone. Using material possessions to fill my emotional emptiness. That kind of woman.
I talk so much about marriage and having kids. Engagement rings and baby names. Stand mixers and golden anniversaries. But maybe when it comes down to it, those things may never happen for me.
Nobody in their right mind wouldcouldshould put up with me. Moody. Proud. Bratty. Selfish. Stubborn. Angry. Impatient. Sensitive. Judgemental. Condescending. The list goes on.
I'm really sorry.
16 years ago
1 comment:
I know we're not talking, and this will probably be the last thing I'll say to you.
But you have no idea how much none of that matters to me.
Every cornerstone in our relationship produces change.
Our engagement. Change. Our wedding. Change. Our children. Change. Our golden anniversary. Change.
I used to think that I would die alone, you know that, my love. I used to think that I was never allowed to be in a relationship, but God placed you here.
And you said this... Even though we're miles apart, you'd still love me. And you do.
If we can't hold each other. Feel each other every now and then.
and this may sound cheesy...
But let's build our relationship to the point where it feels as though we're holding each other constantly.
I've toughed some extremely rough times in my lifetime, my love. And I don't think anyone will ever be as brave as I am.
and I say this will all sincerity and seriousness...
But I am brave because you make me
And I am braver than anyone else because I have chosen to do a long distance relationship.
You know where I'll be. You know where I am. And I WILL ALWAYS be by your side.
I can be your superman, my love. Just say the word ;]
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